The girl who just wanted to be loved..

Can you imagine growing up and your brother making you perform sexual acts on him? Here is my story. Growing up I can remember my brother would come to visit. We’re about five years apart. I believe I was the age of six or seven years old, he would come to visit, and when our grandmother would go to the kitchen or take a shower, he would make me perform oral sex on him. By him being my older brother I was scared of him and what he would do to me. I never told anyone about what he was doing when no one was looking, as I got older sex became an addiction. When I was sixteen years old, I started sneaking my boyfriend at the time into my house. I never got caught, but I knew it was wrong. By the time I was eighteen years old I had a new boyfriend. There were times when I would not attend family functions or church because I wanted to be with him. I knew we were going to have sex eventually. Yes, there were times I would get tired of having sex, but I couldn’t stop. By the time I was twenty or twenty one I went away to college, and it began to get worse. I had a boyfriend back home, a boyfriend at another school, a boyfriend who I met through a friend, and a guy I fooled around with one. I knew it was wrong to have sex with all these different guys, but my addiction had taken over me, and I wanted to get it from whoever would give me the time of day. When I returned home from school, the boyfriend I had back home had a secret of his own. He was dating someone else, and they got married two weeks after he and I were just together. I honestly think that had a lot to do with me slowing down. I can remember one day reading a post on Facebook about how demons can transfer from your partner to you. So can you imagine sleeping with 4 to 5 different men and not realize there are dozens of spirits amongst you? I’m so thankful I have people praying for me. I’m glad I realized who I am. I’m a child of God, and he has forgiven me of every sin I’ve committed and had thrown them into the lake of forgetfulness. Even in my mess, he didn’t allow me to become pregnant or get an STD of any kind. I’ve been free from my addiction for four years now. Some days it is a struggle because I might see something on tv or hear something that will remind me of my past. This is why I’m careful of what I allow myself to watch and listen. However, when these thoughts occur God steps in and remind me of how far I’ve come.