The hardest part of watching someone you love go through pain is that you’re reminded of exactly how helpless love can make you feel. Love takes away your logic, composure, power, and rationality. Everything that makes you feel secure and certain and in control is lost. You’re just left with feelings. Pain and worry and deep cuts and concern and fear and constant powerlessness. It’s difficult when someone you love is in pain. But it’s reality. We all suffer. We all go through things and we all experience pain. It’s what makes us human.
But it also allows us to form such strong connections with other humans. It’s hard to accept the powerlessness that love brings us. It’s hard to accept the hurt, helplessness, and endless worry. It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer. But at the end of the day, it’s a reminder – a very strong reminder – that what you feel is deep and honest and real. What you feel is vulnerability and pain. We all suffer at some point. What I am able to confidently say is that when you experience hardship and pain with someone, the bond you create is that much more special. As hard as it was for my loved ones to feel helplessness and sadness during my most painful time, it brought me exceptionally closer to all who supported me, stood by me, and never gave up–even when it seemed like I would never get better.
Living with chronic pain, health issues, and mental health problems, it’s so hard to hear and see my loved ones fighting to help me get better, and in the midst of them doing everything they can, it seems like I battle much harder to accept and understand why they feel I’m at my worst…and after what seems to be so much arguing, emotions running high, and times of resentment, I’ve been able to step back and say maybe I do need help maybe I need to do what I can to save the one thing that means the most to me, my relationship with them.
Yes, it’s hard to swallow my pride and say that, but getting help has been the light at the end of the tunnel for me….being on meds has helped me to find that even balance and has allowed for at least some form of feeling normal. I guess what I had to realize was that yes, I was hurting, but I was hurting them worse by not caring that I was hurting them because I couldn’t see how bad I was.
I finally had to make the decision that maybe I can’t do for myself what I once was able to, and that’s okay, but by letting them step up and step in to make decisions in my best interest for me was the best thing I could have done….because while I still have a long way to go I’m on the road to recovery. Taking things one day at a time, I hope that my connection and bond with them will flourish and that they will be the force that gives me a reason every day not to give up. I find strength in them to keep going.
Depression | Operationiam 