No matter what, YOU are enough….

It’s kinda weird sharing my story for the first time. But just knowing the amount of young people it could help I’m all for it. At the age of 7, my story began. I was staying with my mom and my stepfather, and they both worked at night, so I was forced to be kept by a distant cousin. Of course, being 7 I didn’t understand much but I did notice how close he always wanted to be to me and not my brother. I can remember vividly the first time it happened we were in our new apartment and I was asked did I want to play hide and seek. Of course at 7 that seemed so exciting and so I did. I hid in the guest room closet and was very quiet. Not soon after hiding my rapist came in behind me. Still thinking he was playing I stood there. He then grabbed me from behind and began kissing me, disgusting is what I felt I asked him to stop and he whispered softly in my ear that everything was okay. I then pushed him away and RAN AS FAST AS I COULD OUT OF THERE. He soon came running behind me and told me not to tell or they’d whoop me and I’d be in a lot of trouble and so I didn’t because I was scared . A few days passed and everything was okay. I guess he was testing to see would I tell but of course I was so scarred until I didn’t. That next weekend came and my parents had to work so he was stuck babysitting again. I took a bath before my mom went to work and laid in my bed pretending to be sleep in hopes that he would not bother me. Boy was I wrong as soon as my brother went to sleep I heard my door crack open, IT WAS HIM, I didn’t know what to do so I continued to pretend to rest. He cane and laid behind me and started pulling my underwear down. I was so lost this is supposed to be the no-no square tight? Nobody should touch me there. Is it okay because he is an adult? Should I run? Should I scream? So many thoughts ran through my head as I continued playing sleep. Then I felt a lot of pressure and it hurt so bad until I screamed. WHAT IS HE DOING TO ME I WONDERED? What should I do? I screamed and I cried and no one came to save me. Once it was all over I was sore for days and I bled . I didn’t want my mom to know so I’d put tissue in the seat of my underwear because I was afraid I’d get in trouble if I told or she found out. From the age 7 until around 10 or 11 I was molested once sometimes twice a week and was too afraid to tell anyone. Fearful that I’d be in trouble or my family would be mad at me. I finally told my grandmother one night before we went to church and she called and told my mom. They took me to therapists and they were there 100% and I couldn’t imagine what I would do without them. I’m now 22 years old, I struggle sometimes. I feel less of a woman because of what I allowed to happen to me as a child and how weak I was towards my molester and how I let it go on for so long. I struggle the most with my confidence, I never felt like I was enough and often reflect back on how I was treated by my molester as a child. But yet and still i overcame, what broke most people I overcame it and used it to push me to beat the statistics that were set for me. I was always told don’t let your situation determine your destination and I didn’t I used it to make me better. I went through nursing school and failed the first time, I got up dusted myself off and went back I am now a 22 year old nurse, I have two kids, and I am a homeowner. I used everything that was set for me to fail and used it to push me towards success. I always wanted to tell my story to let every little girl know that they are enough, that they can do whatever they set their mind to and also that they are not ALONE.

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