MY STORY…

Next month will be 14 years of my life that I’ve been battling the pain of my past. It hasn’t been easy, especially when you can’t open up and tell the people that love you what you’re going through. Every day I wake up thinking today could be the day I get over everything that hurt me but that’s only what I tell myself to stay positive which doesn’t last very long. I was taken advantage of before the age of 13 years old by people that I thought were supposed to love me “JUST BECAUSE” they were family. Well, now I know that isn’t true at all because the family was the very ones that hurt me and made me the way I am today, no matter how hard I try to hide it. My smile only can hold up for so long, and I truly believe the time has come for me to be heard. Sex was the only thing I could too because it was the very thing I went through so young. I’ve slept with over 75 guys, and I’ve been in that very dark place using my body to relieve my mind for that moment, but that too is no longer a fix for the temporary relief I use to get. Now I go off to myself and cry trying to figure out how I can take control of my life after being robbed of my innocence and power so early on. Sometimes it stills feels like the beginning and the end will never come. Every person that tries to love or that does I only let them get so close before I push them away. It hurts to know you may never feel like someone can love the REAL YOU no matter how much they say they do. I don’t feel like I can be loved by anyone other than my children unconditionally, and sometimes that even affects me. This isn’t “ALL” of my story, but it’s all I can share right now because I’m still battling my demons on a daily basis and once I do overcome them if they don’t overwhelm me, I’ll share more.