Survivor

All my life, I suffered from rejection and disappointments. It seemed as if I never fit in with the crowd, so I acted out to seek attention and became the class clown. I was always different from most of the kids my age. I always found myself alone and desperate to be loved by anybody. My parents were there but weren’t there; they missed out on so much. I was from house to house; I was very rebellious and disrespectful. So my closest relatives abandon me. I remember days staying at the homeless shelter, sleeping under the bridge. I can remember local pastors and community leaders putting me up in hotels. Outstanding citizens open their homes to me. I use to cry and ask God, “Why Me?”. In all reality, I was a good person. I became so desperate to be loved that I tried to buy relationships and friendship just to be alone. I ended up getting used a lot. I use to fall so easily for girls because they acted as if they were concerned or cared. I gave all of me to end up empty. I love strong and hard. So most of the time, after they have used me, they move on, and I’m stuck hurting. I care way too much sometimes and too nice. I never healed from rejection, and the family hurt, so I cleaved to anyone who showed me attention. Everyone I opened my heart to always left me feeling empty.

It all started in 2013; my mom called the cops on me cause I didn’t give her money and claimed that I ran away from home when I didn’t even live with her. I stayed with my grandma cause she raised me & let me have my way. The only rule was if I wasn’t working be home by 9 pm which I could never do… so she calls herself kicking me out, so I went to stay with my aunt, so I was there three weeks, she told me to go to my grandma for the weekend I did, but I left to get something too to eat my aunt got mad talking bought my granny let me have my way… so I move back with my grandma all summer. Then school started. I had to move back with her. I was there 3 days this time. The weekend came she told me to go to my grandma for the weekend, I didn’t go I went & stayed with a friend. I got to my grandma’s house later that same week. So my aunt gets there, makes me get all my stuff, and takes me to my mom’s house. We get there to find out my mom done move can’t reach her. My aunt thinks she so perfect and does no wrong. She is a teacher and has kids in college, so she thinks she is better than the family. So my other Aunt who worked at school I went to said to bring him to my house. I went there stayed a month. I got in trouble at school and got wrote up, so she kicked me out. Plus, the school was concerned about my guardianship, so I was out of school for two weeks. I was then staying with my other aunt, who is like a mom to me. My aunt called me and told me to come to get my stuff. They then tried to make me go to my mom. I didn’t, so they all jumped me. I then tried to commit suicide, the cops came and took me to the ER, they all followed.. we get to the hospital I told them exactly how I feel bout them. All my life me & my cousin have been the outcast they always said we would never be anything. So for six months, I was placed to place, homeless shelters, hotels. Then God blessed me with an apartment. I felt as if I had nobody, and nobody wanted me…

Then my mom was there, but she didn’t understand, & my daddy never really cared; as long as I was doing what he said, he tried to be there, but I kind of pushed him away cause he was trying to make me a thug. Growing up, my mom didn’t work; she lived off welfare; as long as section 8 was paying the bills & rent, she was fine & getting food stamps… I use to feel for my brother and sister cause I think about what would happen if welfare gets cut off… They moved to Houston with my dad. I wonder how she lives knowing that She missed some of the biggest events in our life. I do not pity her cause she was raised better. I really wouldn’t have anything if it weren’t for my granny. I pray God to bless that lady’s life because of what she did for me…… Behind every disappointment I stood tall in my truth and kept pushing forward. I lost spiritual mentors, but gained a love from my community by becoming heavenly involved in changing my community for the better. I married the love of my life and had a beautiful child. What the devil had for me to fail, God turned it into a testimony. 

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